Wild Night

I've been visited by ghosts recently, mostly those of the past and a few of the future.
They've been keeping me up at night and I'm tired.

My sweet Larry did his best with back rubs and comforting words, holding and rocking me like a child because that was indeed how I was behaving: a scared child. I feel betrayed by my body, by people close and far, past and present and yesterday the world did not seem a friendly place. Eventually I was soothed into a short sleep and today I shall trudge through chores the best I can manage on the light refreshment. It feels as if I am fighting in a bull ring, fortified with a diet of air and nothing but a paper towel between me and the charges.

Thank God for phones and friends who love me no matter what, and I am blessed that there are a few. Though I confess, when I'm feeling this fragile, words slide off me easily and it's the surprise bouquet, pretty card, shoulder rub, chicken soup that really do the job.

It's not easy for me to trust and absorb the tenderness of others so when it comes, as it did eventually yesterday, I cannot find adequate words to express my feeling. The two simple words thank you are not big enough. I wish gorgeous, voluptuous rainbows of good fortune to shower gold upon the lives and hearts of all I know, in all category of relationship, those near or far, friend and foe. I may not be able to pay back, but I promise to pay forward. Keep the love moving, right?