Joy of Rebelling

Standing up and saying "NO" is such a pleasure. It feels so good to take a stand and speak up. However, the fear of being hurt or being wrong or being opposed often stands in the way, so many of us cower in silence or mutter inside our own demented minds, and that's not such a grand feeling. When others refuse me, or defiantly oppose me, even that's a good thing in a way because I've realized that I admire gutsy people. Courage is a quality that's very attractive in others.

Somehow I feel more secure when I'm around a person who will say no, because it means they are clear about their position and I feel I can trust them to tell their truth. I don't always agree with their alternative perspective, but that's not the point. A friend told me a while back that she felt she could trust me because when she needed help to get to the ER after having a bad reaction to something she was eating in the restaurant we both happened to be in at the same time (with different people) I told her honestly that I couldn't do it and why. It created a bond of trust, she said, because she could see I was taking care of myself and to her, that's an important quality in a friend. I thought about that for a while after she told me this and I began to see the wisdom of that and today, our friendship is stronger.

I had a couple of no's recently and I didn't enjoy or appreciate them at first. I've started a new routine and thought I'd need support to keep it up. I created a new exercise plan in which I dance in my nightie in the living room. I worried that if I asked people to remind me or check up on whether I'd done it, they'd agree and forget or agree reluctantly and feel burdened, and none of that had much appeal, so I resisted asking for any support. I explained my dilemma to my loving partner who listened and told me reasons why he though one might not receive support, such as "I don't want to take responsibility for something you should be doing for yourself". That was disappointing, and I felt hurt and thought that would be the end of it. I was wrong.

Support came in a different way. When I was actually dancing and my sweetie happened to be home at the time, he agreed to join me on the rug for a twirl. We both had fun and said we should do it more often. Now I can see that his no wasn't about refusing me support, it was just his being honest about not taking on more responsibility. He knows how much he can handle and I don't. His type of support was active: he danced with me and we shared some fun. Verbal reminders are just not his thing. I'll take that no with more respect next time.