The Joy of YES

A dear friend seems to be struggling.  I know better than to offer a hand or tissue because it's been made clear that those are neither welcome nor necessary.  When I repeat back the words I thought I heard this friend say, I am told, no, that's not what I said, or no, that's not what I meant to say.  I do my best to stick to words I heard, like a little old recorder.  Just the messenger, not the message.  But it doesn't seem helpful to be a playback recorder,  though who am I to judge?   I also nod and murmur that I am sorry for the pain, for the suffering I see.  Nodding is body language for, yes, yes, yes, I hear you and am not in disagreement with you.  Isn't that what we all want?

Will this friend be relieved of suffering because I nodded, who knows?  Oprah said once that what we all want in this world is to be heard, to be seen and to know that what we say matters to others.  That is the truth.  The question is who will be the first to give "yes, I see, hear and you matter" to the other?  If we wait for the other to see us first, sometimes the waiting becomes insufferable and we'd rather leave.  When we reach the point of being tired of leaving, what other choice is there now ?  I hope my friend chooses to be the first one to say yes, I see, hear, and yes your feelings matter, followed by unspoken or spoken "and I love you and promise to wait for you".  I want my friend to be happy, for the struggle to cease, for the rope of tug-o-war to be placed gently on the field of peace and for all concerned to walk in the light of love and beauty.  A yes is all it takes.