Words

The old sticks and stones line about how words can't hurt us has been coming to mind. Eleanor Roosevelt's statement along the lines of nobody can make us feel unworthy without our permission is another drop in my reflecting pool today.

I've experienced enough grief and sadness that I don't want to stay in it for very long and have a tendency to "make light" of things and to laugh it off as soon as possible. It's my way of coping with something too painful. Not new, not unique.

But I decided today to ask one of my friends something directly. In person, we smile and hug and listen lovingly to one another, but she's moved away and we only chat by phone once a week nowadays. What I've noticed is the tone of her voice is so seriously sad and mournful. I ask her how things are going and she insists everything's going well and goes into detail. But she just has that heavy minor key in her voice. Finally I asked her if she was aware she sounded very sad, at least to me, no matter how things seemed to be going with her, and well, frankly, what's up with that?

She laughed and said as a child she'd been very attracted to the mournful poets and thought melancholia was a great mood to wallow in. It was so great that she went on to try and treat her condition with lots of various mind altering substances - and admits that was kinda f-cked up.

She's a great pal and we love each other dearly and she said how grateful she was for my speaking up because she had no idea she was sounding so mournful. I told her sometimes it's a little offputting and confusing, but that was MY problem, not HERS. We just decided that it's time we got out of our old Beatnik notion of looking at life through dark lenses and thinking we were cool. Time to let the sunshine in sweetie pie we said to one another ! I love it that we can just tell it like it is to some people - it just brings us closer, and I like that. I love too that she didn't get offended when I asked my question and realized I hold no malice whatever towards her. I wish it were that easy with everyone. Some people's toes are so sensitive, if they catch you even glancing in their direction they act as if you just jack hammered them. We have to admit that we did glance however, and allow that they are sensitive and be tolerant, right?

Excuse me while I go ponder the deeper meaning of this and stare out a window at some distant mountain, wearing my dark glasses perhaps. I gave up on the French tobacco years ago but I think my beret is still around somewhere.