Messing Up

When there's been an injustice of some kind, my other half has a standard remark: "That's messed up," he says and shakes his head.  His language is much cleaner than mine.  He tells me I need to work on that, by the way.  Much as I don't respond well to criticism, and think he could be right, this morning a friend and I decided we could write a book called "F-ing Up Out Loud" because we've been there and done that.  'Course, the publishers wouldn't use the f-word, they might even just use cute little asterisks for the first four letters, "****ing Up Out Loud"  which packs a nice visual punch.  People buy often buy books based solely on the cover or title - I certainly do.

Anyone could write a book like that if they were honest with themselves.  The stones we cast against ourselves are usually the biggest and most painful.  When I'm doing that, Larry tells me to put down the big hammer, just use the little one today.  Sounds like tool time for tots.  I know he's just trying to be kind when he sees I can't be.  His parents forgave him endlessly which was both a help and a hindrance perhaps, but my parents used searing wit to slice and dice the Bad Guys.  They wielded the big sword and the big hammer at everything.  Maybe it was just the Irish in them, always fighting. 

Public confession is a risky proposition but I believe it's ultimately healthy and helps others by letting them see they're not alone in their embarrassing behavior.  It's the belief that we are alone, that nobody cares about us, which creates the worst and most common cause of suffering.  Specifically though, my friend and I were examining our fears about being awful mothers, having ****ed up the lives of our most loved and adored family members by being stubborn, short-sighted and self-indulgent. It was not an easy conversation.

Our book wouldn't be a big seller at this early stage of its development.  So far  it would only have about two pages in it: an admission of guilt on one side and an appeal for forgiveness on the other.  We have yet to flesh it out with gory details of various escapades, and we may discover we haven't really got the guts for it and that innocent people might be harmed - which is the opposite of what we want to do any more.    But the title might sell and that's a good start.